Was prison an uncomfortable experience? Are you freaking
kidding me?!? Do they have chicken drumsticks in prison? Fruit-scented
shampoos? Zima? NO!!! Can you have technicians in prison? NO!!! Laminating machines for your protocols? HELL NO!!! They feed you meat on a regular basis which, as you may or may not
recall, makes me sick to my stomach. I
now have irritable bowel syndrome and fecal incontinence problems for reasons
that I’m basically not yet ready to go into.
Yes prison was an uncomfortable experience, Carl, I know you’re the one
asking such a stupid question.
Was prison all bad?
Actually, it wasn’t. I was encouraged to find my cellmate was quite fond
of me, undoubtedly he was aware of my acclaimed work saving the Helmeted
Woodpecker from man’s destructive deathgrip.
Unfortunately, my aforementioned cellmate, Hector, was also quite fond
of showing me his Helmeted Woodpecker.
I’m not ready to go into more details, but with the help of
my new therapist, I’m confident that I’ll be able to assail you with the excruciatingly
painful and unnecessarily detailed details in the near but not too distant
future. Let’s just say that I basically
found ways to get around some of the unnecessarily harsh rules of prison and to
continue my efforts to singlehandedly save Earth and all of its majestic
creatures. Prison made me stronger. Now
I’m unstoppable.
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