Munificence

As basically one of the most generous people ever, one of the things that I often do for lesser aspirating biologists is borrow their field equipment so that it may be used properly at least once and possibly blessed by the presence of my superior abilities. In fact, these lesser biologists often go out of their way to loan me items for their own self-serving purposes; I pretend not to notice that it’s basically for me to do them a favour and even sometimes say thank you when what I basically mean is, you’re welcome. Because the time that I can devote to my all-important task of saving Earth from humanity is limited, I basically try to make sure that these lesser biologists know how much of a favour I have done for them. Given the aforementioned generosity that I have so kindly described for you, you’ll understand my utter shock and amazement at a recent incident involving a canoe that I borrowed from one of my “colleagues.” As you may or may not know, my research on HEWOs is easily the most important project in existence and, therefore, I should have all of the resources I desire at my disposal. Well, my supervisor suggested that I let my technicians use MY canoe to prevent another incident where an incompetent technician doesn’t adequately follow our flooded-river protocol and ends up drowning. Blah blah liability blah blah right and wrong blah blah. As you may or may not know, I purchased MY canoe with research funds and, in order to have a canoe that meets my high standards, I purchased a top-of-the-line $12,000 canoe, basically a small price to pay for a watercraft that I use at least once a week. So my supervisor wanted to know why the technicians can’t use MY canoe when I’m not using it… are you freaking kidding me?!? Jorge lost his arm floaties, Mateo lost a pencil the other day, and Rogelio couldn’t even find my Zima when I had him ride Jorge’s old bike 20 km to the nearest store; I’m going to let these people use MY canoe?!? Basically, I decided to have them use a canoe that I acquired from one of my “colleagues” and, even though Mateo and Rogelio still needed it, my "colleague" said that I couldn’t keep it indefinitely!!! And, get this, to make it even better, when I returned it, he expected ME to clean it!!! Are you freaking kidding me?!? I didn’t even use it, Mateo and Rogelio did!!! Can you believe the nerve of that son of a bitch?!? Looks like I won’t be doing him any more favours.