Lobstahtastrophe

Today basically represents the fourth straight day that I’ve sat here at this internet café in Asunción attempting to learn what I missed during my incarceration such that I may know what I missed during my incarceration.  As you may or may not know, Paraguayan prisons are not known for their internet access, and I basically refuse to read print media because the senseless slaughter of trees for creation of the aforementioned print media is an inexcusable assault on our Earth’s precious life.  Many inexcusably inhumane instances ensued in the preceding approximately more or less 3 years, 5 months, 25 days, 14 hours, 17 minutes, and 13 seconds, plus or minus exactly a few minutes or so.  There have been many tragic losses of life over the aforementioned period, many of which have been tragic.  Basically, there’s one case that stands out to me more than others, perhaps more so.  The sadness initiated from the aforementioned situation undoubtedly increased the mass of my heart from the average of approximately more or less 300 grams to perhaps greater than 500 grams or more.  Obviously, excessive exercise or various diseases can also cause the aforementioned mass increase, but I’m basically sure this case was precipitated by sadness and/or despair.  Larry was a teenager, about 15 years old, when he was held captive by heartless savages.  The intentions of the aforementioned savages included consuming Larry.  These consumational aspirations were thwarted by a courageous group of heroes that more or less liberated Larry with the intention of giving him a better life.  They packed Larry in a Styrofoam cooler and shipped him more or less more than 1,000 kilometers such that he could lead a better life in freedom from savage consumption.  Alas when he arrived after the aforementioned Styrofoam-enclosed journey, he was deceased.  Many people are willing to trivialize the aforementioned story based on the technicality that Larry was a Crustacean Citizen. Shame on you, many people.  And rest in peace Larry.  I am more or less committed to preventing future such tragedies from occurring.  If you want to learn more about this unspeakable disaster, please go to www.blackle.com and search for Larry’s story.

Clarifyation

Undoubtedly, you, my loyal followers, may have many questions about my absence and triumphant return.  This aforementioned statement may be proved by the recent comment elicited by my previous post.  Did I escape from prison?  This time, they let me out.  In fact, they basically begged me to leave for some reason.  Last time, as you may or may not recall, I declared that I left when I felt like I had more important things to do.  Some people may or may not refer to that as “escaping.”  Potato, tomato.  Did I mention that my prior incarceration was unjust?  That it was driven primarily by the misinformation of my former technician Carl, who will basically never receive a favourable recommendation from me for future employment thus destroying his intentions of future biological occupations?  That I really did have more important things to do??  Did I mention that my supposed “lawyer”, Martin Almada, basically refused to properly represent my innocence on the technicality that I “partes de mono vendidos”???  ¿Me estás tomando el pelo?!!!

I basically intend to clear my name and resume my important Earth-saving activities.  It’s basically unfortunate that, as I sit here in this internet café catching up on what it is that I may or may not have missed during my aforementioned hiatus based on a disastrous misunderstanding of my conservation-oriented activities despite continued insistence among staff of the aforementioned internet café that I leave because I am not a paying customer, almost all of my supposedly loyal, but apparently worthless, technicians have abandoned me.  I know that you, my loyal followers, would never do that.  Right now, I’m currently working out a protocol for returning to my field site. I know you’ll be anxiously awaiting the aforementioned return.

Freedom

Basically, it’s been approximately more or less 3 years, 5 months, 25 days, 14 hours, 17 minutes, and 13 seconds, plus or minus exactly a few minutes or so.  Leaving you helplessly stranded and lacking direction in my unexplained absence was not my choice.  I sit here in an internet café in Asunción such that I can inform you of my return to the imperative activities of saving our Earth from careless human carelessness.



My aforementioned return has been precipitated by the completing of my “term” in prison, whatever that means.  As you may or may not recall, but undoubtedly remember, I told you, my loyal followers, about my year in a Paraguayan prison.  I basically spared you some of the details about the aforementioned incarceratory time, but, long story less long, it turns out you can’t just leave prison when you feel like you have more important things to do, even if you do have more important things to do, and can prove it.  Having completed all of the instructions listed on the long-laminated Prison Release Information Dissemination protocol, I must return to my important work of singlehandedly prying Earth’s biodiversity from Man’s evil greed. You’re welcome.