Clarifyation

Undoubtedly, you, my loyal followers, may have many questions about my absence and triumphant return.  This aforementioned statement may be proved by the recent comment elicited by my previous post.  Did I escape from prison?  This time, they let me out.  In fact, they basically begged me to leave for some reason.  Last time, as you may or may not recall, I declared that I left when I felt like I had more important things to do.  Some people may or may not refer to that as “escaping.”  Potato, tomato.  Did I mention that my prior incarceration was unjust?  That it was driven primarily by the misinformation of my former technician Carl, who will basically never receive a favourable recommendation from me for future employment thus destroying his intentions of future biological occupations?  That I really did have more important things to do??  Did I mention that my supposed “lawyer”, Martin Almada, basically refused to properly represent my innocence on the technicality that I “partes de mono vendidos”???  ¿Me estás tomando el pelo?!!!

I basically intend to clear my name and resume my important Earth-saving activities.  It’s basically unfortunate that, as I sit here in this internet café catching up on what it is that I may or may not have missed during my aforementioned hiatus based on a disastrous misunderstanding of my conservation-oriented activities despite continued insistence among staff of the aforementioned internet café that I leave because I am not a paying customer, almost all of my supposedly loyal, but apparently worthless, technicians have abandoned me.  I know that you, my loyal followers, would never do that.  Right now, I’m currently working out a protocol for returning to my field site. I know you’ll be anxiously awaiting the aforementioned return.

Legal Misrepresentation

As you may or may not know, I basically did nothing wrong to deserve my incarcerational time in prison. One of you, my loyal fans, basically inquired as to what the official criminal accusations levied against me were such that you would know them.  And did I hire a lawyer?  Are you freaking kidding me?!?  Of course I hired a freaking lawyer, I hired the best freaking lawyer in Paraguay!!!  Did he get me acquitted of the crimes against me, and therefore, against the Earth and all of humanity? NO!!!  Did I start logging the pristine forest around our new headquarters to pay your fees, Martin Almada, and I still went to prison?!? YES!!!

What kind of freaking charge is bushmeat trafficking anyway?!?  Are you freaking kidding me?!?  Bushes don’t even have meat!!  If they did, they'd basically make me sick to my stomach.

Exhibit A:

I should have basically just represented myself such that I could have not went to prison.  I'm not bragging, but I'm basically pretty sure that I would be a pretty good lawyer.  This is all ultimately basically Carl’s fault, but you’re to blame too Martin. Thanks for nothing.