Carl's Re-Re-Discovery

It has basically been a rough couple of weeks. As you may or may not be able to tell based on my increased focus on Carl, Dwight has basically more or less undoubtedly disappeared again.  However, this may basically be a fortunate, if not fateful, coincidence, perhaps even destiny, and lucky destiny at that.  Were it not for the aforementioned disappearance I basically wouldn’t have fortuitously rediscovered Carl.  I basically singlehandedly made this important discovery earlier this week when Mateo informed me that I should watch the U.S. Presidential Debate as there was someone in the audience that basically “looked like” Carl. 

I basically singlehandedly confirmed that the squirrel-suited Asian man in the audience at the aforementioned debate was in fact Carl.  While it’s basically common knowledge that many Asians look the same, and that many of them wear squirrel costumes, I have no doubt that this was Carl.  Obviously, my refusal to provide him with a positive recommendation has led to his continued employment as an audience member at various U.S. political events.  Rather than immediately reinvoking the AIDS protocol, I decided to wait.  We will basically spring our trap at the third, and final, 2012 U.S. Presidential Debate.  It’s time to pay for your crimes against Earth, Carl.

Seriously Carl? Seriously?

As you may or may not recall, Carl, my former technician that was basically singlehandedly responsible for my unfair and heretofore unprecedented incarceration, has basically been on the run for a few months, if not weeks.  We recently discovered Carl hiding in the U.S. where he was hired as a token Asian at the Republican National Convention, but he escaped before our apprehension team could properly implement our newly laminated AIDS protocol.  Well now, Carl is basically trying to kill me.

A monkey assassin?!?  Are you freaking kidding me?!?!  That’s great Carl, you know damned well that I’ve involuntarily emptied my bladder at the sight of firearms ever since “the incident” and that your gun-toting gibbon would never get past my security detail and intricate system of metal detectors that were put in place specifically to prevent the aforementioned involuntary urination.  We’re done playing games Carl, we will track you down and I will never give you a good recommendation.  

Found!

I basically wish that Dwight would wake up. As you may or may not know, he’s been sleeping since returning from his brief hiatus, likely because his asthma led him to become very tired such that he descended into a deep sleep.  Without Dwight’s help, I’ve not been able to resist the insatiable desire to seek revenge for the wrong that Carl has done to me. I have it on the great authority of a confidential informant that Carl is in los Estados Unidos de América.  Despite being an illegal immigrant, Carl was basically hired to be the token Asian at the recent Republican National Convention in Tampa, Florida. 

Now that Operation Find Carl has been successful and we’ve found him, it’s time to deploy all of my technicians to the aforementioned Florida such that AIDS may be properly unleashed. You may have found work as a costume model, and as a token Asian, but I WILL NOT GIVE YOU A GOOD RECOMMENDATION!  We’ve got you Carl, it’s time to pay for your unforgivable deeds. 

I have AIDS!

Well, after basically devoting all of my resources to coming up with a new protocol, and more importantly, an acronym for the aforementioned protocol, I’ve done it. I’m obviously proud to announce the launching of Apprehending Ignominious and Deceptive Squealer, or AIDS.  This may be among my best protocols yet. Carl, we’re on to you, and it’s just a matter of time. Save yourself the embarrassment and just turn yourself in.