Erraticism

As you may or may not recall, after I was released from prison I basically hired a licensed therapist to help me readjust to life on the outside and heal my deep psychological wounds such that I can continue on my destiny to save the Earth and inspire the many scientists of this world with my world-class scientific greatness.  The aforementioned therapist, my brother Dwight, has basically helped me out a lot, but this help has not come without its share of difficultation.  Dwight’s recent behaviour has been erratic and has begun to worry me.  His week-long unscheduled absence occurred during a time when there was a serial rapist on the loose.  Luckily, the aforementioned rapist has basically not struck since Dwight has returned.  After returning from the aforementioned absence with various scratches and abrasions about his body, Dwight refused to explain where these came from and proceeded to basically sleep for a week.  Now, he’s apparently taken to giving therapy to law enforcement officials, as they’ve basically come to visit multiple times, and he spends all of our precious dial-up internet minutes on something called “chat roulette.”  I’m worried about Dwight, but I’m mostly worried about me as this is basically drastically affecting the quantity and quality of my therapy.

Wake Up Dwight!

Since returning from his brief hiatus, Dwight has basically slept for more than an entire week. Obviously, this is a very selfish act given that I was in need of his therapeutic assistance to mend the deep psychological wounds induced by my recent incarceration.  I’m still not sure what caused all of those scratches on his back, face, and the rest of his body, but I’m basically sure that there’s most likely a reasonable explanation for the aforementioned scratches and abrasions.

In other news, I’ve basically been acquiring apps for my new tablet.  For some reason, even though my tabputer© is vastly superior to all others, including the iPad, as evidenced by the much greater price, I can only purchase apps for my aforementioned tabputer© from the Apple store.  Because the aforementioned Dwight has basically been sleeping and neglecting my needs, I downloaded a therapists app such that I can find a temporary replacement. Unfortunately, this app only informs me about the location of reported serial rapists. It’s from using this app that I’ve learned there’s a serial rapist on the loose in my area of Paraguay. He’s described as a white male, approximately 32 years old, 1.8 meters tall with long brown hair and a tattoo on his right shoulder.  He basically sounds pretty creepy.  I better help my technicians out a lot by warning them about the aforementioned serial rapist such that they won’t get assaulted and have to miss work. You’re welcome, technicians.

Healing

Realizing that the past year has basically been a traumatic experience for me, I’ve enlisted the assistance of a professional to help me heal my psychological wounds such that I can resume effortlessly producing the best science on the planet. I’ve invited my brother, Dwight, who is basically a licensed therapist, to join me in Paraguay.

 Obviously, getting past my intense hatred for Carl is the major obstacle we have confronted thus far such that I may resume my Earth-saving activities. I basically did nothing wrong, but Carl betrayed me, proving that he is not a valuable technician. I gave him simple instructions in the form of three perfectly laminated 18-page protocols, and what did he give me?  Prison, that’s what he gave me. But Dwight has helped me realize that I need to get past this, so even though I will not give him a good recommendation, you will hear no more about Carl.