Apprehendification

There basically appears to be some questions related to the circumstances under which I reenrolled in a Paraguayan prison after the period of time that I had decided to take a break from the aforementioned prison. As you may or may not recall, but likely do recall, the reason that I decided to go to prison in the first place was related to my former technician, Carl, and his twisting of “facts” related to “trafficking” monkey parts.  If you’re looking for a good volunteer, even one that is basically willing to pay to volunteer as part of your Earth saving operation, do not hire Carl.  He may or may not get you arrested if you happen to be a fugitive from “justice.”

You undoubtedly may or may not also recall that during my brief incarcerational recess, I enlisted the support of my therapist Dwight, who basically also happened to be my brother.  Dwight was basically exhibiting erratic behavior at a time when there was a serial rapist on the loose.  Some had basically suggested that rather than a therapist, perhaps Dwight was the rapist. 

Well, I basically mentioned that Dwight had been giving therapy to law enforcement officials.  Basically, Dwight lied to me. The aforementioned law enforcement personnel suspected Dwight of being the serial rapist!! Are you freaking kidding me?!?!  They seemed to think that his hiatuses basically coincided with sexual assaults, and that his glass inhaler wasn’t for medicine, and the scratches covering his entire body were suspicious, and the DNA evidence left at several “crime scenes” somehow “implicated” Dwight…  Long story less long than it could be told if fully explained, there was basically a big raid whereupon the Paraguayan government unleashed a task force such that they could apprehend us and that resulted in the arrest of both the aforementioned Dwight and, given that I had some type of “warrant” for unauthorized leaving of prison, myself as well. 

I basically tried to explain my important work saving the Helmeted Woodpecker from Man’s evil deathgrip of destructive mayhem.  They didn’t care!! Are you freaking kidding me?!?!  They didn’t even care that they were basically jeopardizing the potential existence of the Helmeted Woodpecker, possibly even threatening it with extinction.  I know you were responsible Carl, and although I will answer factual questions related to your past employment if asked, as I may or may not be bound by law, I will NEVER give you a glowing recommendation.  

Clarifyation

Undoubtedly, you, my loyal followers, may have many questions about my absence and triumphant return.  This aforementioned statement may be proved by the recent comment elicited by my previous post.  Did I escape from prison?  This time, they let me out.  In fact, they basically begged me to leave for some reason.  Last time, as you may or may not recall, I declared that I left when I felt like I had more important things to do.  Some people may or may not refer to that as “escaping.”  Potato, tomato.  Did I mention that my prior incarceration was unjust?  That it was driven primarily by the misinformation of my former technician Carl, who will basically never receive a favourable recommendation from me for future employment thus destroying his intentions of future biological occupations?  That I really did have more important things to do??  Did I mention that my supposed “lawyer”, Martin Almada, basically refused to properly represent my innocence on the technicality that I “partes de mono vendidos”???  ¿Me estás tomando el pelo?!!!

I basically intend to clear my name and resume my important Earth-saving activities.  It’s basically unfortunate that, as I sit here in this internet café catching up on what it is that I may or may not have missed during my aforementioned hiatus based on a disastrous misunderstanding of my conservation-oriented activities despite continued insistence among staff of the aforementioned internet café that I leave because I am not a paying customer, almost all of my supposedly loyal, but apparently worthless, technicians have abandoned me.  I know that you, my loyal followers, would never do that.  Right now, I’m currently working out a protocol for returning to my field site. I know you’ll be anxiously awaiting the aforementioned return.

Freedom

Basically, it’s been approximately more or less 3 years, 5 months, 25 days, 14 hours, 17 minutes, and 13 seconds, plus or minus exactly a few minutes or so.  Leaving you helplessly stranded and lacking direction in my unexplained absence was not my choice.  I sit here in an internet café in Asunción such that I can inform you of my return to the imperative activities of saving our Earth from careless human carelessness.



My aforementioned return has been precipitated by the completing of my “term” in prison, whatever that means.  As you may or may not recall, but undoubtedly remember, I told you, my loyal followers, about my year in a Paraguayan prison.  I basically spared you some of the details about the aforementioned incarceratory time, but, long story less long, it turns out you can’t just leave prison when you feel like you have more important things to do, even if you do have more important things to do, and can prove it.  Having completed all of the instructions listed on the long-laminated Prison Release Information Dissemination protocol, I must return to my important work of singlehandedly prying Earth’s biodiversity from Man’s evil greed. You’re welcome.