Statue of Virility

Basically, a couple of days ago my supervisor called pretending to be checking up on me even though I, as you may or may not know, am a superior biologist and our relationship is basically just a formality in which he wants to cash in on my fame and success. One of the things I make him do is manage all of my grant money so at least he can do something useful. Well, it turns out that according to aforementioned “supervisor” I’ve got plenty of money. As you may recall from your previous readings, I work very hard and therefore basically deserve to splurge a little bit instead of just basically spending all of this grant money on my research. Part of my amazing ability to save funds is related to my superhuman efficiency, which as you know is one thing that is helping me single-handedly save the Earth. Because I haven’t had the opportunity to attend a meeting recently in which I would obviously be honoured for my achievements, I decided to use my research funds to commission a statue in my honour. I’ve basically paid a $30,000 deposit to a local Paraguayan artist for the aforementioned statue and ordered Rogelio to translate the message for the aforementioned artist to focus on my altruistic commitment to single-handedly saving the Earth, my superior intellect, my scientific awesomeness, my undeniable charisma and good looks, my superhuman virility, and my astonishing modesty given all of these gifts that I have. I basically can’t wait to see myself immortalized as a statue just as other important scientists have been.