The Greatest Holiday in the History of “Mother” Earth

Basically, as many of you may or may not know Paraguay recently celebrated the single greatest holiday in its history, Mother’s Day. This day is particularly special to me due to the fact that it was instituted in recognition of my mother alone. However, Paraguay allows everyone to celebrate it. I thought of no better way to thank my mommy for bringing me into this world than to take the entire week off as a way of saying thank you. I could think of no better gift for mommy than giving her the opportunity to spend seven consecutive days with me. Some of you may be thinking . . . the WGB said he talks to his mother twice a day, why does he need so much time off for Mother’s Day? Do you think that only celebrating the holiday one day is sufficient enough! Basically that is because I’m surrounded by idiots who wish they too developed in my mother’s womb. In addition, I feel it is important to point out that my advisor expected me to perform field work on my beloved HEWOs on this holiest of days! Are you freaking kidding me!? Obviously he doesn’t understand the significance of the bond my mother and I have. I mean she carried me around for months knowing that I would someday change the world, and he expected me to work! I’m not bragging or anything, but my birth was so significant that it made the National Inquirer! If it wasn’t for my mother producing me, where would Mother Earth be? In shambles, that’s where. I could give two craps about anyone else’s mom, simply because theirs gave birth to lesser individuals than mine. Why do you think people refer to our planet as Mother Earth? Basically it is because I dubbed it as such in honor of my mother. Soon enough people will realize the importance of Mother’s Day and will follow my lead of a 7 day celebration.