A few humble observations

As the WGB, I excel in many areas and my field skills are, basically, unsurpassed, but there is one skill in particular that I feel I am so good at that it boggles the mind (particularly lesser minds like those of my incompetent assistants – have I mentioned that my assistants are completely incompetent? Why is it that I always seem to get incompetent assistants – particularly after my rigorous and arcane interviewing protocol?). I’m sorry. I don’t like to complain but when I’m trying to save the world single-handedly and keep ending up surrounded by inferiors, it begins to wear…I digress. Anyway, the aforementioned skill to which I referred already but did not name is that of color band combo resighting. I’m not bragging or anything but it is certainly to my advantage that I have eyes like an eagle and the reflexes of a cat but in addition to that, I feel the fact that I am exceptionally good looking works to my advantage. I believe that the birds are so intrigued by my stunning good looks that it allows me to get just a little bit closer than most lesser humans. Unfortunately, the same is true for women when they are confronted by my visage. They are always asking me questions “about my research” but they and I both know what they are really after. It’s funny, I never knew how many men in the area of avian research are gay but they are always trying to ask me questions “about my research” also and I figure that can mean only one thing. Anyways, there are those that try to belittle my skills at the task of resighting color band combos simply because I am studying large woodpeckers (the HEWO) and I am able to place seven color bands around their neck. I don’t see how resighting color band combos around the legs of birds can be any more difficult. My incompetent assistants even have the nerve to say that it is my binoculars that enable me to make the resightings! They say that they should have binoculars too!! I don’t really have the heart to tell them that they are not getting the resightings because they are not nearly as attractive as me and I sure couldn’t afford plastic surgery for them anyway.